The Myth of State Management

There seems to be this pervasive myth that is running throughout the field of NLP, in fact I’ve even seen it running rampant throughout the entire self help field in general. It’s one of state management, I’ve spoken to some people that swear that a person’s state (the way they feel) should always be controlled (meaning they should always feel good) and that if at any point in time it’s not then there is obviously something wrong with them. I’ve never heard a greater bunch of drivel. A person will never make it to a point where they are always in complete control of their state. It’s just not possible. Physiologically speaking it’s just not. We all do the best we can though and that’s admirable and something to strive for.

Quite often, from my experience the people that are coming to me with this state that they learned it from their self help gurus. I can guarantee you that these gurus are not in complete control of their states in just the way that they want them all the time. Furthermore, I’m fairly certain if given the opportunity the average person could entice any given guru to lose control of their state.

Don’t get me wrong managing your state (doing what you can to feel good) to the best of your ability is an admirable thing and it’s a great thing to do your best exert as much influence over how you feel as you can. And at the same time people need to move past the idea that some guru’s decrees should be taken as gospel. Sometimes it’s okay to be human. I have a friend that went to some personal development training company that shall go unnamed. And she was bragging to me how amazing their training was and at the same time how crazy these people were. She said that she was going to try to get me into one of their public speaking courses and that they just tear people to shreds BUT that just makes them better speakers.

At first I wasn’t interested in attending any of their programs but once she told me they were crazy all of a sudden she piqued my interest. I’ve met some of the biggest names in the field of personal development and I have conversed with some other really well respected and admired trainers in the field as well through email. I have not gotten any indication from any of them that it is absolutely necessary to be in control of your state at all times. If anything I’ve learned that doing such a thing is not possible. However what I have gotten from them is that they all do their best. That seems to be a good thing to follow.


By: Chris Cathey